Chim-Chimeney...
If Mary Poppins was right--and sweeps are as lucky as lucky can be--then my luck should be looking up now. Today I had my arm stuffed up our chimney all the way up to my shoulder. I grunted and groaned for about a half an hour trying to clean out the damn thing and get our flue damper to seat properly. See, yesterday I bought some firewood--one "rack," which is a four foot tall by eight foot long stack of logs. If the logs are a length that is a whole fraction of four feet: 24", 12", or even 16", then one "rack" is more properly known as a "face-cord." Our logs vary from 14-15", and so it's just a "rack." For the record--and just because I know you want to know--a "cord" of wood is 4'x4'x8' of stacked logs; for example, four "face-cords" of 12" logs.
Anyway, where was I? Oh right, in the fireplace with my arm up to my shoulder up the chimney humming a Mary Poppins tune to myself as the soot drifted down, making a mess everywhere--including on me--and generally stinking the place up and making me cough. Well, it had to be done, because it was all sitting up in the on the fire shelf, and whenever the wind blows just right, it comes down the chimney and stinks up our apartment even if there's no fire going! The people who used to live here didn't use it very much, and when they did they used those prefab logs, and so I think the smell might go away over time as we cook the hell out of it with hot oak fires.
While we're having this little fireplace tutorial, let me tell you one other thing I learned about fireplaces:
Apparently, it's good form to build your pile of paper and kindling, but before you light it you wad/roll up a sheet of newspaper. If you light one end of this thing, like a big candle, you can stuff it up into the chimney. Let it burn almost all the way down--about 30 seconds--to get the air in the chimney hot and moving in the up direction. Just before your "candle" goes out, pull it down and use it to light your fire. This makes sure you get a good draw for the smoke right away, instead of having smoke fill your apartment, and the apartment of your new upstairs neighbor--like we did on our first night. OOPS!
Building fires is fun, and sitting in front of them is fun, but I have also been really enjoying splitting up the logs with a hatchet to make kindling. I know I'm odd, but it's really neat to see the different kinds of wood, and the different ways the logs have grown, and some of them split pretty easy while some are harder than shit! I mean, I was whacking away at this one today, and that sucker wouldn't budge! One swing to set the hatchet, *thunk*, and then I'm beating the hell out of the back of the axe head with a heavy forearm-sized log, trying to drive it in like a wedge. Most of the other logs split as the axe sinks in from three or so solid whacks from the club, but this one was having none of it. I'm down on one knee, back straight, head up, inhale, *whack!*, exhale, *whack!*, inhale, *whack!*, exhale, *whack!* I'm like yoga wood splitting over here, every hit a solid blow, and the axe is only creeping in about 1/8th of an inch with each shot! The log is square-ish, and there isn't a single knot in it. This is from a big tree, straight grain, reddish wood, and hard wood. A formidable foe, with beautiful grain. I wish Joe could have seen it. He might have known what it was, and would have marveled at it with me.
Anyway, where was I? Oh right, in the fireplace with my arm up to my shoulder up the chimney humming a Mary Poppins tune to myself as the soot drifted down, making a mess everywhere--including on me--and generally stinking the place up and making me cough. Well, it had to be done, because it was all sitting up in the on the fire shelf, and whenever the wind blows just right, it comes down the chimney and stinks up our apartment even if there's no fire going! The people who used to live here didn't use it very much, and when they did they used those prefab logs, and so I think the smell might go away over time as we cook the hell out of it with hot oak fires.
While we're having this little fireplace tutorial, let me tell you one other thing I learned about fireplaces:
Apparently, it's good form to build your pile of paper and kindling, but before you light it you wad/roll up a sheet of newspaper. If you light one end of this thing, like a big candle, you can stuff it up into the chimney. Let it burn almost all the way down--about 30 seconds--to get the air in the chimney hot and moving in the up direction. Just before your "candle" goes out, pull it down and use it to light your fire. This makes sure you get a good draw for the smoke right away, instead of having smoke fill your apartment, and the apartment of your new upstairs neighbor--like we did on our first night. OOPS!
Building fires is fun, and sitting in front of them is fun, but I have also been really enjoying splitting up the logs with a hatchet to make kindling. I know I'm odd, but it's really neat to see the different kinds of wood, and the different ways the logs have grown, and some of them split pretty easy while some are harder than shit! I mean, I was whacking away at this one today, and that sucker wouldn't budge! One swing to set the hatchet, *thunk*, and then I'm beating the hell out of the back of the axe head with a heavy forearm-sized log, trying to drive it in like a wedge. Most of the other logs split as the axe sinks in from three or so solid whacks from the club, but this one was having none of it. I'm down on one knee, back straight, head up, inhale, *whack!*, exhale, *whack!*, inhale, *whack!*, exhale, *whack!* I'm like yoga wood splitting over here, every hit a solid blow, and the axe is only creeping in about 1/8th of an inch with each shot! The log is square-ish, and there isn't a single knot in it. This is from a big tree, straight grain, reddish wood, and hard wood. A formidable foe, with beautiful grain. I wish Joe could have seen it. He might have known what it was, and would have marveled at it with me.
posted by Dennis at 11:52 PM
1 Comments:
Brian LOVES hatcheting and building fires, so you're not the only wierdo!
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