Stick it in the fridge.

Before getting my day rolling, I was going to have a piece of toast with some peanut butter and maybe a bit of honey on it. I'm thinking: crunchy warm bread, thick peanut butter, a good savory way to start the day.

Our bread—as usual—was in the refrigerator. Some of you may not have heard of the band G. Love & Special Sauce, but they've got this song which includes something like:

I like cold bread with jam
I like cold bread with jam
uh-huh
Stick it in the fridge

...and so on. It's very catchy. I really like it. Anyway, I started singing that to myself as I pulled the bread out of the refrigerator and kept on singing while I peanut-buttered it up and drizzled honey on it.

I like cold bread with jam, uh-huh

I put the peanut butter in the cabinet, and the bread back in the refrigerator.

Stick it in the fridge stick it in the fridge stick it in the fridge

I picked up my snack, and headed out of the kitchen as I took a bite.
Ack! *cough* *sputter!* What?
Something was absolutely wrong and I couldn't figure it out for a split second. Duh! I forgot to toast the bread! Dammit G. Love! You and Special Sauce and the power of suggestion made me peanut-butter my bread without toasting it first! Somewhere you're laughing, so I can only laugh with you.

I tried toasting the whole thing in our little toaster oven. (One of the greatest kitchen appliances of all time!) Sadly, by the time the bread had toasted on the bottom and sides, the peanut butter had bubbled and browned. Hot browned peanut butter on semi-toast was really not what I had in mind at all.

Now I'm worried it's gonna be one of those days.


Follow up:
Huh... that's funny. I just talked to my friend Mitch, who almost certainly introduced me to that song in the first place. He thought the story was extra funny because the lyrics are not:

I like cold bread with jam

but are actually:

I like cold beverages

"It's already broken!"

Herein, I wish to bestow upon you the ultimate blessing of the handy.

The old saying "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" is all well and good, but it doesn't provide any guidance for folks when things is broke! (Whoa, my grammar just broke!)

Before you decide that it is broken, you must apply this initial test. Say to yourself "Step One: is the appliance plugged in?" Really root around and make sure that it is plugged in. I swear that I've fixed (or seen fixed) everything from a freezer to a hot tub, various car parts, some plumbing, and all sorts of computer thingys, just by plugging them in. If not the power cord, then some other cord, or a hose, or whatever.

So let's say it is plugged in (or doesn't have a plug) and you decide that it is broken. Now what do you do? Now you use the blessing of the handy! Your thingy is leaking (plumbing), or noisy (fan), or insufficient (water flow), or ugly (tile), or just not there (you need more outlets). Well my friend, then it's already broken!

And that's it.
"It's already broken!"

Of course it's ok to roll up your sleeves and pull out a few tools, take the thing apart and see if anything stands out. Google the thingy! Some nerd out there not only had the same problem, but they actually made a website about it. I'm sure of it. Narrow the problem down to a part you can carry and take it to the hardware store. The hardware store people love it when you do that! Or take a picture and show it to them. They love that too!

Give yourself a break. Give yourself permission! The more you say it, the more situations it applies to. Of course you're qualified to fix it! Hell, it's already broken!

Note: Any risks, especially electrical shock, must always be avoided. Getting hurt is the only reason not to fix something. If there's any chance of getting hurt, or you don't know if you'll get hurt, start with the internet search and those pictures I just mentioned.

Sub-note: Don't expect the flunkies at Home Depot to be any help to you. One out of twenty people in Home Despot has any clue. Come on now, you know where the real hardware store is. The neighborhood hardware store. The ones that employ at least one friendly old guy/gal with their glasses halfway down their nose and their hardware store apron. They love helping you fix your own thingys. It's what they live for.

Sub-sub-note: If you've taken it apart, and it hasn't gotten better, or has gotten worse, there is no shame in calling a repairman. If they start to give you shit for trying to fix it yourself, stand up tall and look that guy straight in the eye and say, "Hey buddy, it was already broken!"